The Struggle to Follow His Plan

     So I have really been meaning to write this post, but I just couldn't find the time that I needed to actually sit down and write it out. The truth is I had time, but I was just wasn't present in it and was focused on other things instead. I was listening to some Jeremy Camp music in class today, (which by the way if you don't have his new album, Reckless, you need to get it because every track is amazing!) and the lyrics just brought me back and I knew it was time to get writing!
     Sunday night at youth group we were watching a Lou Giglio video, which is always a good decision.   We were watching it with the thought of what does God want from my life? Even though I was loving the video my mind began to wonder. Suddenly, God put something in front of me that changed my life completely around.
     First, let's have a little backstory time! For about five years I have been on the medical track. I was convinced that I was going to take high school nursing classes and eventually become a pediatric doctor. Pretty ambitious, but I had my whole life based upon this one thing. I was basically fast-tracking my way through life. Whenever the whole "only God knows what you will do with your life" conversation came up I just went right on through it, because honestly I knew what I was going to do and it was all done with. No negotiating, I was certain of it, or so I thought.
     But back to Sunday night, as I sat there a thought enveloped me, sunk deep down inside me. Like a song you can't get out of your head, a scary movie scene you can't stop thinking about. Something that you can't just leave alone. God was telling me His plan for my life. And to my dismay, it wasn't what I wanted either. He was telling me that the medical field wasn't His plan, ministry was. Now that was enough to completely overwhelm me with emotion. I almost started crying. At first I was in disbelief, this couldn't be right! All of my careful planning, my scheduling, my classes, all of it focused on one thing. And now all of the sudden it is all out the window! How could He do this to me?
     But then I thought about it for a minute. God was giving me my mission. He was telling me my purpose in this world, and that in itself changed my whole perspective around. I was being called to do something bigger than myself, bigger than I had ever imagined I would do. Don't get me wrong, I've always been big into ministry. Since seventh grade I have been looking forward to being a youth leader, and nothing brought me more joy than teaching little kids at Sunday school. But every time it was brought up as something more than just a one day a week thing I turned away. I know now that He has told me it is what I am to do, I laugh remembering my friends who were telling me that all along!
     I know this will not be easy. I am not expecting it to be. I will have to change every aspect of my plans, but I do it with an open heart and an open mind. I am not sure of what area of ministry I will go into, but I trust that God will reveal it to me when the time is right. All the while I am researching and praying for guidance and a calm heart. Honoring God's plan is not always the most convenient thing for us to do, but in the long run it is the only plan that matters.

Mark 8:34-35

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: 

 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, 

but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it."